WHEN DARKNESS SEEMS TO HIDE HIS FACE

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. (John 1:5)

The desert, a place that we avoid at all cost…at least I have. And yet, I currently find myself in a desert place for some time now.

I have striven for happiness, contentment and fulfillment in order to have comfort and security for most of my life. As I’m writing this, I’m envisioning myself like the cat who chases her tail around and around. Think about that for a moment, a cat doesn't even realize her tail is attached to her body as she twirls around aimlessly trying to catch it. 

As it is for everyone, I've had my share of struggles. Some of them my own doing (like the chase I describe above), others may or may not have been self-inflicted (such as cancer and health issues) and still there are others I've had little or no control over (life just happens). We spend much of our time climbing hills trying desperately to get to the top, reaching for the prize, only to get there and find that the climb was the prize. Seems pointless?  Sometimes I hear the ‘comfort girl’ inside me scream a resounding YES!  But I’m realizing, as much as I wish it were different, it’s through the climb we become who we we’re meant to be.

In what seems like an endless season of insomnia, I am learning that for me insomnia translates into waiting in stillness. WAITING AND STILLNESS, I’m not too fond of either of those words and they are certainly not the easiest of things for God to ask of me!  There are days that the quiet stillness is so loud it deafens me. But I am slowly learning the importance of the climb and also of the desert. 

This particular season can sometimes be so dark and exhausting that it takes my breath away. But I'm learning that it’s probably the only place a control freak like me has a chance to learn dependency. It’s a scary place because although on the outside I may seem as though I have it all together, I have lived with hidden fears for most of my life. My need to control things has given me a false sense of security. It has brought me to the seemingly haunting reality that we actually do not control anything at all.  I guess most of us probably think we do. It takes just one unexpected turn to truly realize that our control is an illusion. Just ask anyone who has lost a loved one, maybe received a bad diagnosis, lost a job, their home or even just had a small fender bender. Control is not and was ours to have.

It's in the desert that God teaches us about ourselves and our dependency on Him. It is there that I find myself wrestling with Him. In this desert I'm beginning to realize that wrestling with Him is not only okay, it's actually necessary to be able to discover what it is He wants for me, and more importantly from me.

I have to stop here for a moment to say how grateful I am that God gave me my husband, my family, and a few really good friends to love me in and through this difficult season. Rest assured He knows exactly what we need. 

Each of us is born with a purpose but most create it instead of seek it. Do I dare say that we “dumb it down?” I know I have and it can be so defeating to live life without  ever discovering why you were created in the first place. I can say with certainty that God did not create anyone with a purpose that will serve them alone. We were created by Him, for Him. Jesus said the two most important commandments are to love God with all of your heart, soul, mind and strength and to love others as yourself.  So it’s safe to say that everyone’s purpose has something and everything to do with those two commands.

We started with John 1:5 and we’ll end with another verse which just happens to be in another book penned by John

This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all. (1 John 1:5)

Jesus teaches us to follow the Light, even and especially when darkness seems to hide His face. May you let him lead, mold, teach, use, and even delight you through the darkness. And hold tightly to this, He promises never to leave you nor forsake you.

Click here to Follow by Email